After a torturing 3 weeks of waiting period, today I just got confirmation from Dr. Lo that the result of our baby's amnio test is "NORMAL"!!!!! Other positive news include - the 4D high resulotion scan of the baby by Dr. Su from NTHU also found no other problem except still the thick NT. Compared to the Ultra sound performed by Dr. Lo two weeks ago, first the fluid around the body seemed to have disappeared; 2nd, the thickness of the NT had been reduced from 1.3cm to around 0.7cm/1cm...which are positive signs that things are moving towards the right direction. As next steps, we will have two more rounds of 4D ultra sound follow-up in the coming two weeks to track the changes... the decision has to be made by week 24 (baby is 20 week-old now).. so if nothing changes, we are left to make the decision just based on the information we have right now, which is not alot and will be the TOUGHEST choice we will ever have to make. Based on everything we know so far, I think chances of us wanting to keep this baby is now very high.
I've been losing sleep both of these nights. On Sunday night (the night before the 4D ultra sound), I kept waking up, and imagining what would happen at the ultra sound. I had images about seeing my baby completed blown up and wrapped by fluid... all kinds of bad thoughts went through my mind..in time like this, when people felt so helpless and needed support, pray seemed to be the only way to bring comfort and peace. The only difference was, since I don't have any religion, I was basically talking to all of our deceased relatives, hoping that they would guard us through this difficult time. I guess having more grandparents above may have helped...
Can't quite describe the feeling yet. Happy, definitely. Reliefed?? Not 100%... despite that these further check-up had not found any new evidence of problem, we still had not been able to locate and isolate the root cause of the thick NT...and according to the doctor, this could mean many different things...range from completely normal, to other problems which they have no idea and cannot say today....
Still don't know what will happen, but for me, I know that I need to stop worrying, so to give our baby boy the best enviroment to grow. Whatever is in place for him, I am sure will be great arrangement. God has been so kind to me and let me have 3 kids, 2 girls and one boy, exactly the combination I would have wanted it....and I cannot thank HIM more for it... so again, I will leave his job to him, and do my job, which is to be a good pregnant mother.
I want to thank all my families and friends who have provided their emotional support during this period. I also want to thank Hsaio-Wei, for being such a wonderful partner and father, to always be with me during this difficult time!
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
The Toughest Time
Last Friday, Hsaio-Wei and I happily went to the doctor ready to have the amino test for our third baby, only to be shocked by the news that based on the ultra sound, the NT (Nachal Translucency) of our baby was abnormally thick, and the whole body seemed to be covered by a thin layer (胎兒水腫). Dr. Lo advised us that given the situation, there is a extremely high chnace that this baby is abnormal, and immediately, our mood turned from the high excitement of trying to learn the sex of the baby, to the unacceptable and most difficult decision as what to do next.
It's been an extremely difficult weekend, and I've been crying so much. Thinking about this little thing which has just now turned 18 weeks, a baby that we are all anxiously waiting, may eventually never have the chance to come to our family gives me heartache. And only till this time I realised that despite this is our third baby, our knowledge about abnormalities during pregnancy is still unlimited and poor. I guess none of us would probably bother and trying to learn (or maybe even avoid considering the possibilities, and always thinking, it will never happen to me). I've done much homework over the weekend, search the sites both internationaly and also domestically. The more I learned, the more worried I am, given based on everyting I had read, chances are - this baby of ours ( today being hinted by Dr. Lo as a boy, who if were identified normal, would bring us so much escatcy) has an EXTREMELY HIGH CHANCE of being abnormal, either chromosome-related, or born with some birth defact most likely in the are of some heart disease. And the implication is - a scary term "termination of pregancy".
This morning, I have proceeded with the amino test, the object was to first eliminate or confirm any abnormalities related to chromosome. Result will be avaible in two weeks, and if bad news, we may even learn it earlier. Assume if the result turned out to be okay, next step is to proceed with the high-resolution ( or the 4-D scan) scan, which can help examine all body organs, particularly the heart, to confirm if any abnormalities. Doctor said there is a chance that sometimes, this thin layer or the fluid accumulated at the neck goes away, but that is rare, and he has advised me to prepare for the worst, and based on experiences, chances are, situation will only get worse, and we will end up having to face the most difficult decision - which is to terminate.
At this point in time, there is nothing we can do other than pray. And only God will decide if we will be able to keep this little baby - of course, a healthy one.
I want to write this down because I want to capture this 充滿慌亂, 傷心, 期望而又可能面對最壞情況的心情. I am already feeling much better today as I am preparing myself for the worst, though difficult but am trying to manage.. this is so hard, and I guess it is a feeling and emotion that only a mother who had gone through the same can understand.
I now leave this to God's hand........
It's been an extremely difficult weekend, and I've been crying so much. Thinking about this little thing which has just now turned 18 weeks, a baby that we are all anxiously waiting, may eventually never have the chance to come to our family gives me heartache. And only till this time I realised that despite this is our third baby, our knowledge about abnormalities during pregnancy is still unlimited and poor. I guess none of us would probably bother and trying to learn (or maybe even avoid considering the possibilities, and always thinking, it will never happen to me). I've done much homework over the weekend, search the sites both internationaly and also domestically. The more I learned, the more worried I am, given based on everyting I had read, chances are - this baby of ours ( today being hinted by Dr. Lo as a boy, who if were identified normal, would bring us so much escatcy) has an EXTREMELY HIGH CHANCE of being abnormal, either chromosome-related, or born with some birth defact most likely in the are of some heart disease. And the implication is - a scary term "termination of pregancy".
This morning, I have proceeded with the amino test, the object was to first eliminate or confirm any abnormalities related to chromosome. Result will be avaible in two weeks, and if bad news, we may even learn it earlier. Assume if the result turned out to be okay, next step is to proceed with the high-resolution ( or the 4-D scan) scan, which can help examine all body organs, particularly the heart, to confirm if any abnormalities. Doctor said there is a chance that sometimes, this thin layer or the fluid accumulated at the neck goes away, but that is rare, and he has advised me to prepare for the worst, and based on experiences, chances are, situation will only get worse, and we will end up having to face the most difficult decision - which is to terminate.
At this point in time, there is nothing we can do other than pray. And only God will decide if we will be able to keep this little baby - of course, a healthy one.
I want to write this down because I want to capture this 充滿慌亂, 傷心, 期望而又可能面對最壞情況的心情. I am already feeling much better today as I am preparing myself for the worst, though difficult but am trying to manage.. this is so hard, and I guess it is a feeling and emotion that only a mother who had gone through the same can understand.
I now leave this to God's hand........
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